I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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