what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
