Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
