also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
‪Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best. ‬
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
