i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It's official drugs can't kill me
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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