Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
