I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
