I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
