he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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