I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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