when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
