You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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