Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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