Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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