We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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