Are we in a gay sports bar?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
soo... how was my night?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
