My boss' voice literally gives me gas
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
