we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
