No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
