At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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