Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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