He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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