i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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