you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
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After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
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I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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