Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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