I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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