Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.