That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.