the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
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got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
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My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.