Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(559): View more from California

my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?

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(954): View more from Florida

First date: that requires underwear, huh?

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(713): View more from Texas

I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.

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(804): View more from Virginia

They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.

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(719): View more from Colorado

On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration

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(256): View more from Alabama

According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.

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