it wasn't lemon gatorade
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
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I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
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She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.