i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.