Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?