Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
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