you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW