Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The convent might be a nice break from real life
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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