There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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