JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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