You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The power of my boobs compel you
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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