So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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