It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
