Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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