Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
