we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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