dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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