i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
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I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
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Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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