i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.