Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
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He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
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My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky