We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.