hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.