What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Did I show you my penis last night?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.