Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
You drinking a lot?
Define a lot
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing