It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.