so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.