the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize