somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
