420 ftw
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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