The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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