Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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