Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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