He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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