She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
