This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
