after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
