I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
