best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
