I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
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Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
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Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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