The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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