I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
