mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
