imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
