If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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