I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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