fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
